#18: Viz (Amiga)

So...a Dennis the Menace knockoff who smells real bad is next to a guy with giant testicles who is having his testicles smashed by a crazy Scotsman. All while two fat women laugh at the entire thing. You see Lord Kitchener in the corner, saying "You'll never play a bigger load of crap"? Replace play with see and it makes sense. See? Lord Kitchener knows what's happening.

#17: Mystery of the Druids (PC)

This game was from Germany. Because all video games from Germany have scary Druid men who look constipated and cry powder, right? That's how it got its M rating.

#16: Pac-Man (Atari 400/800)

So, what's wrong with this? First, he's not eating (raw) burger patties, but random orbs. Second, Pac-Man does have a body, but he doesn't look like a anorexic jogger with a Deadmau5 ripoff helmet here? Finally, the ghosts have legs.

#15: Super Duper Sumos (GBA)

Three fat sumos with huge asses slamming their asses together in a city. Perfect. It doesn't help that the splash effect is fart green. I can't say anything about this cover.

#14: First 4 Megaman Games Box Art Retrospective

In this post, we'll be doing the first four Megaman games. Of course, you already know about mid-life crisis Megaman.

However, the next three couldn't get it just right. It finally took Megaman 5 to get it right. Let's go see Megaman 2.

Okay, this is more like it. Megaman is colored correctly, and he doesn't look like he needs Viagra. But he still has a handgun!

This is Megaman 3. They finally got Megaman's looks right. But, his stature and face makes him look like more like a cosplaying midget (although that'd be a good cosplay to be honest). Also, he's shooting that robot somewhere in the crotch, so this cover makes Megaman a crotch-shooting blue midget.

Okay, there seems nothing wrong with this cover at first. But compare it to Megaman 3. Megaman has less hues of blue than he did! Oh, whatever. At least Jaleco didn't make the games. If they did, the Jaleco cover would probably cover the crotch of the robot.

#13: Xenon 2: Megablast (Amiga/Atari ST)

Hey! You thought Mr. Blobby's eye-straining title colors were bad? Wait until you see Xenon 2: Megablast!

WHAT THE FUCK? That's all I can say.

#12: Bust a Move 2 (PS1)

DEAR GOD.
First off, the only thing that should be illegal is the cover. It looks like a cut scene from A Clockwork Orange, which it probably is. Why is the rating even Kids to Adults? It should be more like Adults Only. If you only saw the picture for this, and not the rest, and you were not told anything, you'd think it was a sick snuff film. I can't go on anymore. At least Jaleco had no involvement with this game. But still!

#11: Rival Turf! (SNES)

Oh. My. God.

First off, the Jaleco logo gets even bigger! It's way more larger than the Nintendo logo! Jesus Christ, Jaleco, why do your logos take over half the screen?

Second, remember Bad Dudes vs DragonNinja? I think those two kids were the child versions of the Bad Dudes, even though one looks black. Also, the building is so blue. So so blue. It's so blue, it inspired Eiffel 65 to write "Blue".

Wait a minute, there's a two player mode? And it's simultaneous? And it stars the Bad Dudes as children?  And it takes place on the alien planet on the music video for "Blue"? Only one picture can describe this;

#10: Irritating Stick (PS1)

Another game made by Jaleco. Before you ask, it's based on one of those carnival games where you must not let the stick touch the sides or you'll get buzzed. If you don't know what I mean, then watch Mr. Bean. And sadly, it's not a innuendo game. So, classics from Irritating Stick's cover include the ever-famous huge-ass Jaleco logo, the lightsaber knockoff held by a guy who looks like one of the Jumbomen from Katamari, Photoshop background effects, and gold wordart that should say "Vibrating Stick", which wouldn't pass with the censors.

#9: Donkey Kong (Intellivision)

If you look more closer into the box art, it gets more and more epic. Mario could be portrayed as a insane Freddy Mercury who stole baby Thor's hammer or Benito Mussolini if he wasn't fat or bald. Donkey Kong could be portrayed as a mutant from outer space or what music has become today, and Pauline could be Barbra Striesland. The game takes on a new plot;

"In 2124, Freddie Mercury has been resurrected to fight the Modern Music Mutant Monkey, who has took reanimated Barbra Striesland hostage! Use baby Thor's hammer to destroy the Bad Rap Barrels and the Friday Fireballs and climb the ruins of Apple Records to kill the MMMM!"

All while it asks you how high you can get. Also, CBS made this? Really?

EDIT: Oh, and I must comment on the "REAL ARCADE GAME" part. What were you expecting, Donkey Dong, the game where- I should cut it off right here.

#8: Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch (Sega CD)

Yes, Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch did have a video game. Yes, it was crap. The Sega CD logo can tell you how doomed the game was. A lot of crappy things had a Sega CD port (but not Marky Mark. Marky Mark's pretty cool). You know what super crappy thing was imported to the Sega CD?

None other than our faithful pal, Ignatius Mortimer Meen!

#7: Imagine Babies (DS)

This image might just be fake, but it's so bad, I had to share it anyways.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Okay, I'll stop now. But seriously, how cheap must a company be if the cover of the game uses stock photos that still have the watermarks on them? The game was shit, anyways*. This is a good example of when the covers tell you how good the gameplay. And no, there's no copies of this on eBay.

*And yes, I did unfortunately play Imagine Babyz.

#6: Karnaaj Rally (GBA)

(Note: Since Blogger's image feature is not working, I had to get the image from Wikipedia. Also, expect me to call the game "Karnaaj Racing".)

Okay, I have many complaints of this cover. First, there's Jaleco, covering most of the lower right with their huge-ass logo. It reminds me of when they put their company names on their NES games' sides. Also, notice the pink car in the background, or the background in general. Notice any similarities with the background?

Yep, it's none other than our good old mindfuck pal Metro Cross! But with all that aside, you know what you want me to complain about. You want me to complain about the guy with the neon blue hair, eyes, and eyebrows. Well here we go. First problem; he looks way too much like Ray William Johnson. Don't see the similarity?

Now you see it. I wouldn't be surprised if that was Ray William Johnson's first appearence before Equals Three. But enough about him. The face the guy (Not RWJ) is making looks like he is constipated. Also, why does he have burn marks? Was he in a bar fire before taking the photo. Whatever. Jaleco makes the most fucked up covers of any video game, and this the best example.

#5: Tommy Lasorda Baseball (Genesis) and Metro Cross (Atari ST)

I don't have much to say about this other than a lot of things. First, it's supposed to be a game sponsored by Tommy Lasorda. But the way he's drawn makes him look like Bill Clinton. Would Bill Clinton even play, or throw a pitch for, baseball?

Holy shit! Now, let's go see what lurks in Metro Cross for the Atari ST.

It's like if Tony Hawk was on drugs, wore a scuba suit, and drove through Mindtrip Museum. Also, notice the guy running on the topright. That man is anyone who saw the cover and had common sense. They knew that people would run away from the cover.

#4: Mr. Blobby (Amiga)

Just look at this. Try to tell me what is going on with this cover. Just try to. If you don't know who Mr. Blobby is, he was this pink guy who sounded like Justin Bieber if he could only say "Blobby".

First off, the title looks like one of those colorblind tests with the numbers. Just looking at it makes me wish I was colorblind. There's something REALLY frightening about the cover. No, it's not the faces that Mr. and Mrs. Blobby have. Look what Mrs Blobby has in her hands. She has a baby. The fact that those two had sex is just too much to even think of. Under the three are the words "Blobby Blobby Blobby!", just in case you forgot how much Blobbies there were on the cover.

There also seems to be a mini-me of Mr. Blobby. So there's four blobbies. Wouldn't it say "Blobby Blobby Blobby Blobby?" Try saying that five times fast.

#3: Mega Man (NES)

This is probably the worst NES box art on this site so far. I bet you've seen this someplace;

It's hard to even describe the problems with the cover.

First, there's "Megaman" himself. His armor isn't blue and yellow, it's blue and baby blue! Second, his face shows feelings of "I gotta crap, I gotta crap". He also looks like a man in his 40s. I officially give him the nickname of "Mid-life crisis Megaman". His stance looks like he's about to teabag someone, which would make him the first Halo fanboy. Oh yes, and he has a handgun, where he CLEARLY has a handcannon. The background looks like Beverly Hills got mixed with one of those cramped Brazil towns in 2051 (where's it's STILL cramped but all chrome).

#2: Phalanx (Super Nintendo Entertainment System)

So, what do you think of when you see this?

Normally, you'd think "There's a game that stars hillbillies flying planes?" Well, there's actually no hillbillies (although there is a hyper-speed shoot-out, but its not always in space). This is the greatest example of how covers always lie. If the man who posed for the game cover didn't pose for the game cover, he would probably end up being in a ZZ Top cover band that lasted for 6 months. Although, he'd have to either wait for years for his beard to grow enough, or shave his beard off to be the Frank Beard of the band.

#1: Clowns (Commodore 64)

WARNING: DO NOT VIEW THIS POST IF YOU HAVE A PHOBIA OF CLOWNS
Welcome to Bad Video Game Box Art. This is a blog where it reviews some pretty darn hilarious box art for video games. Yes, we will do Megaman's box art where he's in a mid-life crisis. Just you wait. Now, our first box art is a game for the Commodore 64. The name is "Clowns". Just the title is bad enough. The gameplay is that you're two clowns on a moving seesaw reinacting Space Invaders. With those two out of the way, let's look at the box art. Imagine if you were a kid in 1982. You were walking into a store where you would buy Commodore 64 games and seeing THIS:

You know how most (by most I mean 50%) video games can be described by their box art? I can't even solve what's on it. First, notice the clown that looks like Pennywise (the clown from IT) on the lower left. His paint looks less like a clown and more like the Joker. There's even more; amongst the Pennywise/Joker hybrid, there's two more demented clowns. Now, let's look at the seesaw part. It looks innocent, but doesn't the clown up in the air look like he's hanging himself? I wouldn't blame him.

I know this review isn't good, but trust me; I've just got started.